Wine Tribunal Weighs Prostitution Indictments

by Steven Fox

The primary purpose of the Wine Tribunal is to prosecute individuals and organizations that taint the pure joy of wine by presenting it as elite and snobbish. The Wine Tribunal believes wine is a life affirming hedonistic pursuit. To wit: Wine snobs are punished with humiliation and virtual death via ceremonial Champagne saber beheading.

Currently the Tribunal is engaged in an internal debate regarding indictments against three “sponsored” wine experts and Food & Wine magazine.

Each year Food and Wine hosts a major festival in Aspen Colorado and the magazine rightfully promotes it. In the current July 2010 issue, there’s an advertising section featuring a group of wine professionals “reviewing” various wines, which to no one’s surprise are festival sponsors. You can tell this by their full-page ads opposite the review page.

One of the advertising sponsors: Mouton Cadet (by Baron Philippe de Rothschild) is hailed as a great wine by three highly credentialed wine professionals. They are: Richard Betts (a Master Sommelier), Anthony Giglio (wine columnist and educator) and David Lynch (restaurant professional and author of the excellent wine book “Vino Italiano.”)

Mouton Cadet, a simple, one dimensional, mass-produced Bordeaux has never previously appeared in any of these guys’ writings or wine lists. I’d bet my last dollar that David Lynch would have had to suppress a major smirk and raised eyebrow if a customer requested Mouton Cadet at Mario Batali’s Babbo restaurant when he was their wine director.

The prevailing opinion of most wine aficionados is that Cadet is a simple wine, yet Anthony Giglio writes that it has “complex fresh fruit aromas.” A complex Cadet? Really? Even its biggest fans never use “complex” in describing it.

This brings us to the heart of the debate within the Tribunal. On one hand Mouton Cadet is a “peoples wine.” To attack it is, in itself, an act of elitism that goes against everything the Tribunal stands for.

Yet it’s an obvious question that, without the exchange of money, would these wine professionals sing the praises of Mouton Cadet? – No way! (With the possible exception of recommending it as a great cooking wine.)

Although this is not a matter of snobbery, the Tribunal reserves the right to prosecute wine related ethical violations and this one cannot be overlooked. The Tribunal supports wines such as Mouton Cadet and wishes to be clear that the sin is not with the wine. (Although the winery ownership along with Food and Wine magazine are facing prostitution conspiracy charges.)

So the Wine Tribunal asks Richard Betts, Anthony Giglio and David Lynch: How can one not question the motivation behind any future wine opinion you proffer?

The Wine Tribunal hereby charges Betts, Giglio and Lynch with prostitution. These individuals hung out a red light that outshined their credentials and creditability. Shame on them! Let the saber fall on their compromised “rent space here” necks. May they walk the streets near the Jacob Javitz Convention Center for all eternity.